It isn’t willpower (part 3)

I’m trying to be patient with the process of redefining myself.  I’ve finally realized that eating well and exercising isn’t optional.  I have to keep doing it.  It isn’t like taking a course of antibiotics.  “Take one every 6 hours for 10 days and then stop.”  Nope.  The instructions are more like “Do this every day for the rest of your life.”

Life is a chronic condition.  It can’t be treated like a passing thing.  Do you want to live?  Then take care of yourself.  You can do any exercise you want – just do something.  Everything counts.  You don’t have to run a marathon straight off the bat, or ever.  If you walk a mile every day for a month then you’ve gone more than you would for a marathon.  Sometimes it is about adjusting your perspective more than anything.

When I moved to Nashville I felt like I couldn’t go walking.  I knew the area around my home in Chattanooga, and I felt safe to walk.  There wasn’t much traffic or crime.  I didn’t know the area I moved to, and I was too scared and overwhelmed to try.  So I went from walking at least three miles a day to nothing.  I was also processing delayed grief from my parents.  I was sad that I’d moved from my big house to a tiny apartment.  I didn’t know where anything was.  So in addition to not exercising, I ate.  A lot.  In two years I went from 120 pounds to 180.  I was also smoking clove cigarettes and pot several times a day.  This continued for a few years.

It didn’t take long before I ended up being close to 200 pounds.  I dealt with it by buying bigger clothes.  I was in a social group that had a lot of members who were morbidly obese, so I was considered petite in comparison. I didn’t think anything was wrong.  However, I knew something was up when I realized that I could no longer find underwear that fit at Target.  I also had to look in the “women’s” section for clothes.  I didn’t want to be stigmatized by having to shop in a different section. Plus, all those clothes looked like flimsy tents.  I didn’t want to wear what was offered me, so I had to make a change.



About betsybeadhead

Hello, and Welcome. My name is Betsy, and I like beads and prayers. Fortunately those two things are more related than I ever realized. You are invited to “like” my Facebook page titled “Betsy Beadhead” and thus see what I’m talking about in my posts when I try to explain something using beads rather than words. This whole thing started because of that. Then I couldn't figure out how to post pictures so I just started writing. I string together words the same way I string together beads, and both serve the same purpose. I work at a library, surrounded by ideas brushing up against each other. I draw, paint, and collage. I study world religions. In all these experiences I like combining different things and making new things, and stretching my understanding of what “is” and what “has to be.” You are welcome to share my posts - just please give credit where credit is due. I'm anti-censorship but I'm also anti-plagiarism.
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