Room (part three)

A lot of my anger about my childhood traces back to a feeling that I didn’t get something that I thought I deserved.   It traces back to not being OK with things as they were, and as they are right now.  It has to do with not trusting the process, and therefore the Director of the process, God.  It has to do with not being ok with the Now.

Anger comes from grief.  Grief is a sense of loss.  It is an unwillingness to accept change.  That is an unwillingness to accept things as they are.  It is a desire to shape the world to fit me. Nothing is ever “good” or “bad” or “half-full” or “half-empty”.  It just is. It is our society that trains us to define things as good or bad.  We can unlearn this.  I believe that all the sages from all the ages have been trying to teach us this.

Jonah praised God in the whale.  Jesus tells us to turn the other cheek.  The apostle Paul tells us that all things work together for good, for those called by God.  There is something in these ideas that is so revolutionary and yet so simple.

Sometimes I feel that I’m trying to make wine out of grapes, and it just isn’t ready yet.  I’m reminded of my story of when I tried to encourage the tadpoles to be frogs sooner than they were ready by pulling on their tails.  I think I need to hang out in that room for a little more, and let things ferment.  I’m not very good with waiting, but I’m inviting Jesus into that too.  I think He understands the quiet times, the waiting times better than anybody else could.


About betsybeadhead

Hello, and Welcome. My name is Betsy, and I like beads and prayers. Fortunately those two things are more related than I ever realized. You are invited to “like” my Facebook page titled “Betsy Beadhead” and thus see what I’m talking about in my posts when I try to explain something using beads rather than words. This whole thing started because of that. Then I couldn't figure out how to post pictures so I just started writing. I string together words the same way I string together beads, and both serve the same purpose. I work at a library, surrounded by ideas brushing up against each other. I draw, paint, and collage. I study world religions. In all these experiences I like combining different things and making new things, and stretching my understanding of what “is” and what “has to be.” You are welcome to share my posts - just please give credit where credit is due. I'm anti-censorship but I'm also anti-plagiarism.
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