I once saw a child who had a habit of tapping his fingers a lot when he was bored or waiting. His Mom asked him to stop and she sounded very exasperated. It sounded like from her tone that she has tried to get him to stop this behavior many times before.
Was she trying to get him to stop so that she would feel better, or that he would? If that was his way of relieving nervous tension, then not only did she take the release away, she just caused more tension. Or was she embarrassed by his behavior, embarrassed that he was making noise in the library, or being distracting?
She could have used that experience as a chance to learn something. She could have noticed how she was feeling as an observer. She could have seen it as not-her, and studied it.
This technique is very useful. See any emotion you have as something outside of yourself. It isn’t you. If it is a painful feeling, ask yourself why this event is making you feel this way. Dig down to the roots of it and try to remember who first made you feel this way when this event first happened. All emotions and responses are taught to us. Sometimes (often) our teachers are misled themselves. Often their teachers were badly taught as well.
Sometimes we are taught how to behave in one circumstance and we overgeneralize. We take it too far. And we end up creating walls and limits for ourselves that are unnecessary. The goal is to see those invisible walls and walk through them.