Fighting the nothing

I’m starting to think that seasonal affective disorder has more to do with less activity than less sunlight. Sure, they are connected.  Less sunlight means it is colder outside and it gets darker sooner.  Thus, we are less inclined to go exercise outside, or at all.  We think we’ll take a break, just like the Earth does.  We’ll fly south for the winter, even if it is in our heads.  We’ll hibernate as much as we are allowed.  We still have to go to our jobs, but that is it as far as activity goes.  Everything else can just wait.

I have learned the danger of that.  If I slow down too much the doldrums set in.  I discover I am dead in the water, going nowhere.  There’s no wind in my sails. Then depression comes for a visit. When depression comes to visit, it isn’t interested in a day trip.  It stays, longer and longer, gathering energy while I am drained of it.  Depression is self-perpetuating.  It feeds on itself and gets bigger and bigger while my hold on my mind grows less and less.

If I let the doldrums win, that horrible inertia, that nothing that just feeds on itself and grows ever larger, then I would stay at home all day and do nothing.  Then I’d feel worse.  Then I’d do more nothing.  I’d use it as an excuse to not do anything at all. And while I wrestle with the concept of doing too much, I know that doing nothing is death.


About betsybeadhead

Hello, and Welcome. My name is Betsy, and I like beads and prayers. Fortunately those two things are more related than I ever realized. You are invited to “like” my Facebook page titled “Betsy Beadhead” and thus see what I’m talking about in my posts when I try to explain something using beads rather than words. This whole thing started because of that. Then I couldn't figure out how to post pictures so I just started writing. I string together words the same way I string together beads, and both serve the same purpose. I work at a library, surrounded by ideas brushing up against each other. I draw, paint, and collage. I study world religions. In all these experiences I like combining different things and making new things, and stretching my understanding of what “is” and what “has to be.” You are welcome to share my posts - just please give credit where credit is due. I'm anti-censorship but I'm also anti-plagiarism.
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