I’m ok with people disagreeing with me, just not all the time.  It isn’t healthy to have people around who constantly disagree, even if they try to soften the disagreement by saying they “respectfully” disagree.   This is like saying “I’m going to hit you, so brace for it.”

People who constantly disagree are like food that disagrees with you.  If you know that eating pepperoni always gives you heartburn, you will stop eating pepperoni.  The pain and discomfort just isn’t worth it.  But if you go over to your aunt’s house and she always serves you pepperoni, then do you eat it anyway, out of respect for her? What if eating pepperoni was part of her childhood and serving it is how she shows love? Do you tell her that it makes you sick, and risk her being sad, or do you eat it, and know you will be sick?  Somebody is going to get hurt either way. Does it matter who serves you?  Are you more likely to take something disagreeable from a relative, or from a long-term friend?

The same is true with words.  If you have someone who constantly disagrees with you, you don’t have to take it.  Balance is good.  If person does nothing but disagree with you, you are not obliged to “eat” it, no matter who they are.

Ideally, it would be great if people were thoughtful enough and considerate enough to not “feed” you anything that makes you sick.  Ideally, people would be mindful and look out for each other.  Ideally, we wouldn’t have to tell people to stop hurting us, but sometimes they don’t know they are being harmful.  Then it is on us to tell them.  After that it is up to them.

Sadly, there are people in this world who know what our triggers are and they ignore them.  There are people who just don’t care what our needs are and they do whatever they are going to do anyway.  There are people who feel that our boundaries are suggestions rather than rules.  They are the same kind of people who if you tell them you are allergic to a particular food, they will serve it to you anyway.  Whether they do it intentionally or accidentally makes no difference.  They are either being malicious or mindless.  The result is the same – they are harming you.

Then it is up to you to decide – continue the relationship, or terminate it?  Is it worth getting sick to be around this person?  You may love them, but by their actions they are proving that they don’t love you.  Is it worth that sick feeling you have in your stomach every time you are around them?


About betsybeadhead

Hello, and Welcome. My name is Betsy, and I like beads and prayers. Fortunately those two things are more related than I ever realized. You are invited to “like” my Facebook page titled “Betsy Beadhead” and thus see what I’m talking about in my posts when I try to explain something using beads rather than words. This whole thing started because of that. Then I couldn't figure out how to post pictures so I just started writing. I string together words the same way I string together beads, and both serve the same purpose. I work at a library, surrounded by ideas brushing up against each other. I draw, paint, and collage. I study world religions. In all these experiences I like combining different things and making new things, and stretching my understanding of what “is” and what “has to be.” You are welcome to share my posts - just please give credit where credit is due. I'm anti-censorship but I'm also anti-plagiarism.
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