It is okay to be angry. Anger is just a feeling. It is the same as being tired or hungry or having to poop. It is a sign of an imbalance – that either something is lacking or there’s too much of something else. It is important to feel it without judgment.
You don’t have to explain it. It can just be. It is what you do with that feeling that matters. For instance, when you’re hungry, do you overeat? When you’re tired, do you sleep too much? What do you do with these feelings? Do you have these feelings, or do they have you?
Perhaps having to go to the bathroom is a good way to look at it. When you have to poop, do you poop right where you are, or do you go to the bathroom? Do you wait when you have to pee until you feel like you are going to burst? Or do you take care of it right away in a healthy way that is good for you and those around you? To poop right where you are isn’t considerate of others. To wait to pee might be considerate of others if you are in a meeting, but it isn’t healthy for you.
Going to the bathroom is something we have to learn. It isn’t instinctual. We had to learn how to handle that natural occurrence. I propose that dealing with anger is the same. It is possible to learn how to deal with this natural feeling in a way that is healthy and safe for you and for those around you.
Some things that work for me: Going for a walk. Having a hot bath – bubbles help. Writing. Painting. Focusing on my breathing. Prayer. Playing the drums. You can try one of these, or think about the things you do when you are happy, and try one of them when you feel angry. Sometimes that is enough to flip the switch. No matter what, don’t try to escape your anger by using intoxicants. It isn’t about escaping it – rather, it is about allowing it a safe way to get out.