Don’t make up stories about why people do what they do and what they are thinking. Ask them. When you make up stories, it is always going to make the situation worse, and you’ll often be wrong. Tell people how their actions make you feel. Feelings are very important.
Try not to use the word “why” when you are asking people what their motivations are. “Why” causes defensiveness. One way is to say “I was wondering if you could tell me more about…” or “Could you help me understand about…”
Two people who have gone through the same experience will have different reactions to it. Just because you have lived through a car crash doesn’t mean that your friend who did the same has the same emotional reaction to it. They have a different history and a different emotional makeup. Ask how they feel, rather than assuming you know.
We are a product of our environment and our conditioning. Often we do it that way because we’ve always done it that way – but that isn’t a good reason to keep doing it that way. Examine everything.