Care or codependency?

I once posted a picture of an item I’d bought at Goodwill on my Facebook page. I’m going to use it as a prop for a story I’m writing, but in the meantime I wanted to know what it really was.  Several helpful friends let me know that it was a kitchen timer. It looks more like a remote control than a timer, so that is what it will be in the story.

However, one person posted a picture of CEO salaries of non-profit organizations and said “Don’t buy from Goodwill”. Perhaps it is significant that this is a cousin, from my husband’s side. I’ve never even met him.  Perhaps that alone is my problem.  Perhaps I need to not “friend” people I don’t know, even if they are family.  That is a topic I write about a lot.  Boundary lines blur a bit with family.

I wrote a long reply to him defending their good work and correcting the error that he’d shared about how much the CEO makes. I thought “How dare he tell me what to do!   How dare he try to share his fear!”  His need to “correct” me is a sign of codependency.  His way of thinking is the problem, not where I shop.

It reminds me of health book that said to drink lots of clean water – but not from a tap, and not to drink out of plastic water bottles.  But what is there other than that?  The author didn’t say.  So how is that helpful?  Others will say “avoid trans-fatty foods” without saying what those are, or “eat more fiber” without giving examples.

If all you share is what not to do, you are not helping anyone.  In fact, you are making the situation worse.  This is part of the current problem our society faces – too many negatives and not enough helpful information. Too many share fear but not the solution  We are being led by a fear of everything, with no let up.  There is no relief – just more and more fear.

Here are some current fear-based modes of thinking that are going on: The government is going to take away everything you have.  The government is putting chemicals in your food. You are under constant surveillance. Immigrants are going to steal your job and/or kill you.

These ideas are poisonous because they don’t offer a cure.  They contribute to un-ease, to dis-ease.  They are all passive.  They are things that are going to happen to you (so they say), rather than things you can do something about.  They create fear and disorder.  We are being told we are in a cage and not given a key.  The real problem is that we were fine before we were told these lies.

Half information is worse than no information.  Whatever we share must be for the good of all.  To share mis-information or terror-talk is to be the problem.  Also, it is important to consider before you share anything – are you trying to control the actions of someone else?  If so, why?  Is it perhaps that you are the one who needs to hear your message – not the other person?  Thinking about why you feel the need to control someone else’s actions, even in the guise of caring for them, is a very useful meditation.


About betsybeadhead

Hello, and Welcome. My name is Betsy, and I like beads and prayers. Fortunately those two things are more related than I ever realized. You are invited to “like” my Facebook page titled “Betsy Beadhead” and thus see what I’m talking about in my posts when I try to explain something using beads rather than words. This whole thing started because of that. Then I couldn't figure out how to post pictures so I just started writing. I string together words the same way I string together beads, and both serve the same purpose. I work at a library, surrounded by ideas brushing up against each other. I draw, paint, and collage. I study world religions. In all these experiences I like combining different things and making new things, and stretching my understanding of what “is” and what “has to be.” You are welcome to share my posts - just please give credit where credit is due. I'm anti-censorship but I'm also anti-plagiarism.
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